Let's Play: Monster Food

We know what you’re thinking - when are they gonna make an edible version of Minecraft? Just imagine it! A game box made of broccoli and old ham, which contains a disc made of chewing gum (maybe make sure there’s nothing else you wanna play on your console before putting that in). This flawless idea is clearly what 99.999999% of Minecraft players want more than anything in the world. 

While the developers work on our brilliant idea (you’re welcome!), we’ll just have to satisfy our stomachs with the Monster Food add-on by Noxcrew from Minecraft Marketplace. Let's see what kinds of meats are on the menu, crafters!

Monster Food is clearly the work of developers who got tired of having nothing but rotten flesh to ‘enjoy’ after a long night of monster battlin’. You can tell because this add-on rewards you for taking on hostile mobs by having them drop new ingredients that can be cooked into delicious new recipes. Yum!(?)

Start the add-on and you get a helpful guide. You can even use it to spawn yourself an assistant. Or, if you’re as lazy as us, two assistants. One of our new employees immediately sneezes in our face, while the other one has already fallen asleep. Oh no, they have our work ethic.

A friendly wave after we just caught you napping on the job? Good grief.

Like all good chefs, we stay up all night fighting monsters to get fresh ingredients. If you’re ever in a restaurant and find out the so-called chef hasn’t done this, storm out immediately. Ideally in tears. 

Speaking of openly weeping, our night of fighting hostile horrors was just as upsetting as we’d expected. But it was all worth it though, for we got some ominous spice. At first we assumed this was the legendary sixth Spice Girl that the other five are too terrified to talk about, but it’s actually our first cooking ingredient. Score!

Buddy, unless you fancy being on the menu, you might wanna back off a little.

We craft a crockpot, stick four slices of beef in there with our ominous spice, and then use a flint and steel to get cooking. The crockpot starts shaking as our no-doubt delicious meal cooks, and then a massive X appears above it. X marks the spot… ergo X must hit the spot! Which means our meal rules! Yeah!

No, not quite. In fact, instead of a delicious meal, a grey bug-like mob bursts out of our crockpot! Naturally we give chase, and after stepping on them a few times, they squish and drop some Nether Spice. Is it a good idea to cook with ingredients that you got from the bugs in your infested kitchen? Probably! Boy, we hope Gordon Ramsay isn’t reading this… 

Delightfully, a failed attempt at cooking still sometimes gives you a random reward. One time we get a bunch of XP. Another time the crockpot spits out a bunch of fire charges we could pick up for later. Sure, we’d prefer a gourmet meal, and our doctor doesn’t like it when we try to eat fire charges, but it’s still a cool way of encouraging you to experiment. 

But if we wanna eat something this century, we should probably up our culinary game a tad. Luckily we eventually obtain a cookbook that’s full of delicious recipes! And by ‘delicious’ we mean… well… take a look for yourself…

Y-yummy?

Luckily, we are not fussy eaters. We even had to restart this blog post because we’re so greedy we scoffed our keyboard. So now we just have to decide on our first – and hopefully not last – meal. Does Shulk Spaghetti sound survivable? How about a glass of Ender Lemonade? Y’know, suddenly a bit of rotten flesh doesn’t sound so bad…

We opt for a dish which has slimeballs as its core ingredient. We’d tell you what it was called but unfortunately our memory has already wisely repressed it forever. But you know what? We take a long sip and it’s not bad at all! Shame about the side effect that causes us to spray snot everywhere, mind.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Yeah, turns out making meals out of monsters can have unexpected consequences. Or completely-expected consequences, if you read the cookbook properly like we didn’t. Certain meals can make you bouncy, which sounds great for cheating at parkour. Others make you loopy, but also good at bartering. Economic satire and a tasty meal? Now we’re cookin’!

We were getting a little chilly, so thought we’d try the Magma Cob. Apparently it’s a hearty dish that’s also very spicy. That doesn’t sound bad at all. Sure, there were some more sentences describing it in the book that we probably should have read but come on now who has the time.

There are several tiers of recipe books that can spawn and be crafted. There’s the beginner’s guide, that we should probably have stuck with. There’s an advanced guide, which contains some really worrying sounding dishes. And there’s the forbidden guide, which sounds to us like a good reminder that we need to tell you not to try any of these IRL.

Oooh, our Magma Cob is done! We take a hearty swig and feel warmer than ever. Particularly in the feet area. And do you smell smoke? We move the camera around a little to investigate and… oh. 

…This is fine.

Someday we’ll end one of these Marketplace Let’s Play articles without burning ourselves and all our surroundings. But alas, not this time. If you want to try becoming a monster gourmet, you can find Monster Foods by Noxcrew at Minecraft Marketplace. Or click this line of lovely green text to be taken straight there.

Now if you’ll excuse us, the health inspector has unfortunately just arrived. Shall we cook him the Wither Sub or the Stuffed Stump? Oh, he’s caught fire. What luck!