Breaking news: researchers at the Edinburgh Institute for the Study of Spookology have declared this week that October is officially the spookiest month of the year.
Their landmark research paper named February as the second spookiest month (on account of its eerily uncertain duration) and May as the third spookiest month (because any one of us 'May' be visited by a big scary skeleton in the dead of the night). The international scientific community is already hailing these findings as "pretty cool, pretty neat".
But our breaking news coverage doesn't stop there, because we've just heard word of a cavalcade of goodies that are available for Marketplace Pass and Realms Plus subscribers this month. So read on for October's Marketplace tidings, if you dare…
ADD-ONS
Let me state this on the public record: the villagers are a judgemental bunch who wouldn't know a hip-and-happening birthday bash even if they were invited well in advance and promised a top-of-the-line chocolate fountain. But now, thanks to the Civilizations Add-on by Mythicus, I've discovered 99 new – and much less unkind – villagers belonging to nine distinct civilizations. Marvel at the pyramidal wonders of the desert nomad villagers, gasp at icy dwellings of the Arctic villagers, and then let out a kind of controlled, bubbly wow-sound at the undersea grandeur of the Atlantean villagers. With a huge range of new villager types to trade with, and even a new currency system to master, Civilizations will leave you wondering why you even bothered trying to make friends with those aloof vanilla villagers in the first place.
Now, have I ever told you about the time I saw a ghost? Even though I later learned it was just my elderly neighbour carrying a scythe, it was still the most frightening night of my life. Until, that is, I saw the enemies I'd have to face in the Bosses Rise add-on by Block Factory. Featuring seven epic bosses – each with their own bespoke AI, animations, weapons, and more – and a host of procedurally generated dungeons to pick clean of loot, this add-on promises a formidable challenge for brave adventurers like me. And that sound you can hear isn't my knees clacking together in terror. It's my ringtone. Don't worry about it.
The thrill of adventure. The joy of self-reliance. The itchy, panicked feeling of waking up in the night to discover a beetle walking across your upper lip. Yes siree, there's nothing quite like camping. And thanks to Camping Backpack add-on 2.0 by HorizonBlocks, you can now pitch a cozy little 9x9 shelter at the touch of a button. Snooze under the stars in your upgradeable, customizable campsite, and when morning comes you can pack it all up again in the blink of an eye. All that, and it's insect-free, too.
If, like me, your inventory is always full of beetroots that you can't throw away because you've formed a strong, emotional bond with them, Simply Backpacks add-on by Simply Brilliant is just what you need. These natty rucksacks make the perfect travel accessory, providing easy access to your excess items with a variety of different sizes and colors of bag. I suppose you could even use these to carry items other than friend-beetroots, if you really wanted to.
Monster isn't a word to be thrown around lightly. Apparently it's even frowned upon when applied to a colleague who uses the office microwave to reheat a dish they call 'trout surprise'. But it's exactly the right term for the Monsters add-on by Ninja Block, which features a truly gargantuan total of 28 new custom monster mobs and 10 powerful weapons to wallop them with. Face off against fearsome dragons, towering scorpions, and hulking yetis, all while wondering: are any of these truly worse than the microwave guy?
Call me fussy, but when it comes to sitting on things, sleeping on things, storing possessions in things, I will accept only one solution: furniture. And now, thanks to Furniture by Waypoint Studios, I have a radically expanded catalog of more than 3000 tasteful interior fittings and furnishings to choose from. Will it be enough to give the impression that my home is the dwelling of an adult human? Or will dispassionate observers continue to assume "some level of raccoon involvement"? Only time will tell.
MINI GAMES
Boy-oh-boy, do I have egg on my face. When I first read about One Block by Honeyfrost, I assumed it featured a single block. "That's not very many blocks," I said, smugly. When I later learned that One Block is actually home to 12 floating islands, a host of dangerous dungeons to explore, and over 100 blocks, plants, and furniture pieces to discover, I was so embarrassed that I couldn't leave the house for weeks.
Given that I live just a short train ride from London, I consider myself something of an expert on England's capital. So, while Cityscapes London by Octovon features oodles of authentic landmarks – from historic buildings to gleaming skyscrapers – I was surprised to learn that it didn't feature any soot-stained children wearing fingerless gloves and wresting eels straight from the Thames. I'm sure the developers are planning to add all that in a future update.
If you've ever explored a millionaire mansion and thought "yuck, this is all too modest and affordable for me", then I have just the thing for your astonishingly expensive tastes. Billionaire Mansion by Dodo Studios allows you to experience the opulent lifestyle of the ultrawealthy, with lavish furniture in every room, sprawling sports facilities to explore, and a recklessly expensive fleet of vehicles to choose from. I was so captivated by the extravagance of it all that my own home is now revolting to me. If that's not a recommendation, I don't know what is.
Shiny red lobsters. Shimmering shoals of fish. Calamitous oil spills that take months and months to bring to a halt. Yep, life under the sea sure is exciting. And now, thanks to Mermaid Village by Lifeboat, I've been able to make a new life in the briny depths, with little to no risk of being coated in torrents of liquid petroleum. This undersea adventure lets you transform into a mermaid, gracefully diving into aquatic villages packed with mer-villagers, coral golems, and even some seriously feisty giant crabs.
Speaking as somebody who's been called rustic in both manners and appearance, I'm pretty sure it's one of the highest compliments you can pay a person, structure, or goat. For proof, just take a look at this Rustic Log Mansion by CrackedCubes, which features a cabin so grand it comes complete with its own helipad, boathouse, and swimming pool. It's all incredibly luxurious and incredibly flammable.
Next, we have Parkour UP! by Cleverlike, a whiteknuckle test of your platforming prowess. Race your friends to the top or scramble to the summit alone like some kind of determined but friendless goat. And you'd best tread carefully, because this 1500 block climb doesn't feature a single checkpoint, so one wrong step is all that stands between you and freefall. Take care, billygoat.
TEXTURE PACKS
I make new sounds every day, and nobody ever congratulates me for it. Yet when Askew: Audio Overhaul by Syclone Studios does it, everyone says things like "wow, more than five hours of evocative original music" and "I can't believe you produced more than 2000 new sounds, that's amazing!" Does that seem fair to you? Does that seem right? I think it just screams favoritism.
Hand-drawn art can be a powerful thing. Just ask the caricaturist who drew me with such cruelly enlarged ears that I broke down and wept on the streets of Montmartre. Project MELIOR by CubeCraft Games, meanwhile, lends a hand-drawn feel to a cornucopia of Minecraft blocks and mobs. The results are so striking that you'll even find yourself lost in the movingly lifelike eyes of a nitwit.
There's something warm and comforting about the Jicklus Resource Pack by Pathway Studios, like a space heater that plays reassuring affirmations or an open fireplace surrounded by kindly, bespectacled therapists. Hundreds of custom textures and judiciously tweaked details come together to create a refined take on the Minecraft look you know and love.
One thing you need to know about me is that I'm a very modern person. I'm always listening to wax phonographs of the latest music hall toe-tappers, my velocipede runs on the wholesome power of steam, and I've even come to accept heliocentrism. All that means that Simple Modern by Giggle Block Studios is the perfect pack for a cutting-edge fellow like me, thanks to its use of sleek, bright textures that are just perfect for adding that up-to-the-minute feel to your latest build.
SKIN PACKS
When I received email instructions to go and download friends, my first thought was that my editors at Minecraft.net were making a cruel jibe about my social life. Once I looked closer, however, I realised that they were pointing me towards Friends by Podcrash, a warm-hearted pack of 12 casual, laid-back skins. Phew! Oh, I just read the rest of that email from my editors. It turns out they did go on to make a series of mean jokes at my expense after all :(
And last but not least, we arrive at Nature's Way by Pixelusion, which features 10 teen-themed skins, each with a unique scientific name designed to remind you of the natural world. Does James count as a unique scientific name? Would it help if I changed my name to Conical Flask? Because I'd be willing to for the right price.
CHARACTER CREATOR ITEMS
One of my favourite things about October is the pumpkins. I hear that some people like to carve them into intricate and spooky shapes as part of their Halloween celebrations, but not me. I just roast them whole and eat them – two big ones per day – throughout the month. My doctor does this funny skit where she begs me to stop because it's "way too much pumpkin", as if that even makes any sense. She's such a kidder.
So here, presumably in some kind of affectionate tribute to my wisecracking physician, is this month's gourd-rich list of Character Creator items:
- Pumpkin Wings by CreatorLabs
- Pumpkin Hat by CreatorLabs
- Pumpkin Boots by CreatorLabs
- Pumpkin Pants by CreatorLabs
- Pumpkin Knight Outfit by CreatorLabs
And there we have it, another glittering exhibition of goodies coming to Marketplace Pass. And unlike the exhibitions they have in museums and galleries, there's no mean-spirited security guard to stop you from getting your mitts on all this good stuff – just sign up to Marketplace Pass today and all these add-ons, mini games, texture packs, and skin packs will be waiting for you. There's also Realms Plus, which grants access to all those benefits along with an always-online server for you and up to 10 friends to call home.
What a line-up, eh? I'm sure you'll agree, it was remarkable. And do you know what's even more remarkable? This entire list was written, one letter at a time, by the planchette of a ouija board, moving unbidden as if by some spectral hand. Oooooh! Wooooaah! Wooooo!
